Saturday, January 1, 2011

a little bit pregnant

So my "period" is tapering off. I've been sort of spotting since yesterday but nothing ever comes out. I only notice it because I've had bloody cervical fluid in my vagina. I haven't had to wear a pad, but when I insert my fingers I have red-streaked ewcm. Its very weird.

I want to write so many things about what an amazing NYE we had; we went to zoo lights at brookfield zoo with my two younger siblings. And then we scrapped all the party going plans and stayed at my parents. We played ukulele and sang and had a jam session. It was so sweet and so much fun. It was perfect.

I want to write about having brunch at arliss's house and how I've been finding a kind a peace in the last 2 days. I decided that getting my period was not going to break me and we were going to back to the gym and I was going to not put myself through this obsession next month and instead focus on losing weight and getting healthier.

Then hubs and I got antsy a few hours ago and decided to go to Whole Foods and splurge on champagne and truffles. I talked about taking a hot chamomile and eucalyptis bath. We came home and hubs opened the champagne and I started running the bath. I decided to check inside mysef and see if my flow was picking up. I was surprised when I saw that it seemed to be tapering off. I decided what the heck, and peed on a stick. It was faintly, faintly, so faintly positive. But hubs saw it too. and that's kind of a big deal, because he never ever admits to seeing a second line- even with my last pregnancy it took a digital and the actual word "pregnant" to convince him. and there he was, celebrating and hugging me and crying.

So here we are. Am I going to stay pregnant or is this another chemical? Is it implantation bleeding or the beginning of the end. is this more frer bullshit? because i really feel like i'm on the edge here. do i take my hot eucalyptis bath and drink my champagne or wait?

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