Yesterday I went to yoga and it was such a relief. I just am feeling so much better and so relaxed. I lost 4 pounds this week and I don't even know what I did differently. Maybe there is something to be said for a cortisol body fat connection. I don't know.
I've been talking to my mom and my sister and my friends about treatment and we went to that resolve group and its just such a relief to be able to *talk* about everything. Just share the burden a little. I feel lighter. The future feels more tangible, more approachable . I feel ready for the next step. When I was talking to my mom about embryo freezing and donor eggs and multiples and all the other things we might have to do,she shocked me by how supportive she was. I expected her reactions to be more "catholic" but she was totally like, we trust you to make good decisions and do what you need to do and we would never judge your choices, and we wouldn't love that baby any less than one conceived by more conventional means. It was so sweet and I was tearing up.
I realize that people rarely say what you need them to when you're going through this, I just need to hold on to these small moments of understanding and learn to let go of the rest. They have no real frame of reference for this and all they really care about is my well being (emotional and otherwise).
Also, sorry if this is TMI but hubs and I had the most amazing sex last night. Its been so long since we just had sex with each other without a baby between us and it is so amazing to go back to that. On Sunday morning we actually had my first ever simultaneous o. It was incredible. I don't know what's going to happen next month when we start treatment, but this month "off" is exactly what I needed. I am so glad to have found my way back to myself and my marriage.
I've been doing a lot of visualizing and focus work. This is what i picture when i encourage my body to create life:
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