Yesterday we went to our first "Centergy" class. Its kind of a mixture of yoga and pilates and it was hard but fun. One of my main coping mechanisms is just to stay busy. Take classes, go to the gym, find a support group-- just stay as busy as possible. The other is to focus on what I have to be grateful for. So here they are, my gratitudes for today:
1. I have an amazing husband. Sensitive, sympathetic, and he loves me. He loves me so much. I read on my message boards about people whose husbands are totally uninvolved and grossed out and use BD as a manipulative tool and I realize how incredibly lucky I am.
2. My family is always there for me. Even when they say stupid things its never because they're malicious they just can't understand. But they want to, and they're trying to.
3. We totally have amazing insurance. I am realizing more every day how lucky I am to have the option of IVF and ART. We may have gotten a raw deal reproductively but at least we have the means to try and fix it and most people don't.
Even in the midst of all this junk, there are some glimmers of hope that it isn't over yet. when hubs lost his job in the spring we were devastated, fought constantly and just had a horrible time with it. but it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to us because his old job had no infertility coverage and the new one he got a few weeks later has the most amazing coverage we've ever had: testing, diagnostics, treatment, no dollar maximum. So in retrospect it was pretty serendipitous that things went the way they did. Also, although i miss our baby terribly every day and would trade that one real baby for the dozen "hypothetical" babies we might have, if i had stayed pregnant i would never have found out any of this stuff about premature ovarian failure. in fact, if we had had that baby we probably would have waited a while before trying again and by then it would have been too late to have another. so at least in losing the most amazing thing that I've ever had I'm able to find solace in what i learned about myself through that process.