Tuesday, December 7, 2010

oh! and thanksgiving with the inlaws (for posterity)

i realize i never updated how thanksgiving with the inlaws went:

Ok, so we left our house around 3PM on wednesday night expecting to get to lexington by around 11PM at the latest. we hit traffic on I65 and debated stopping at a hotel. it took over an hour to drive 12 miles. we were basically at a dead stop. and it was sleeting. then hubs remembered that he was supposed to bring our air mattress for us to sleep on but forgot it. that settled it, we pulled off in shelbyville at a days inn. after meticulously checking the mattress for bed bugs i passed out and slept soundly until around 9 the next morning.

we got to MIL's house in lexington around 11. we had this great plan of coming in to a thanksgiving-type bustle of cooking and setting up and passing out the multitude of presents we got for niece and nephew. this is not what happened. MIL and her BF were lounging in their pajamas, and SIL and BIL were cranky and the kids were just kind of trashing the place. BIL decided that we were only allowed to give niece and nephew one present (which pissed us off, but whatever). The day wore on pretty lazily. BIL and SIL went out to walmart to pick up a bunch of things MIL forgot.

then later while the husbands were cooking SIL decided to tell me that she completely understood the pain of my miscarriage because she'd had an elective abortion at eight weeks back when her and BIL first started dated. i tried to ignore the sting and tell myself that she didn't mean anything by it and afterall, i am very liberal and prochoice. but it just kept nagging at me that she'd compare the decision of terminating her pregnancy to us having our baby stolen from us. it just kept hitting me that these people have NO IDEA what we are going through.

then hubs got choked up when we were going around the table saying what we were thankful for. then "choked up" turned into full on sobbing. finally he excused himself and pulled it together in the bathroom. and here's the thing- his family registered NOTHING. not one sympathetic look, not one hug, not one "sorry son" ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. i felt so bad that he had to grow up in that. i mean, at mean family they would have at least laughed at me and made fun of me or something, but certainly not ignored it....

Friday we left for FIL's (and step-mother-in-law or SMIL). small back story: they started heckling us about whether or not we were coming four fucking days after i delivered our dead baby in our bathroom. and it's not like they had no idea what was going on. they read my blog every day. they knew. we passed the tissue on 11/6 they started sending out menus on 11/10. four days after the mc hubs and i could hardly breathe. we could hardly dress ourselves. we couldn't even contemplate the holidays. and there my inlaws were- emailing us every day "do you know your plans yet? can you respond to the suggested menu?" Finally hubs snapped and emailed his dad saying basically leave us alone, we're trying to grieve the death of our child. so his dad started responding with things like "we're planting a tree in honor of our lost grandchild" which was nice, but really, they just had no idea.

finally it all came to a head when SMIL read THIS BLOG (on my old blog address- the main reason why i created this new one) about what a rotten day i'd had and how much i was dreading the holidays. and decided to call me out on it. she sent a very terse email saying maybe it would be best if we didn't come to their house for the holidays after all. after nagging us about it for 3 weeks. after finally getting us to cave and say ok, we're definitely coming. unreal.

so i had to call and apologize for writing the blog and of course i started crying and the whole thing was just humiliating. i couldn't believe that they had to make me feel like shit when i already was at my worst. it was like kicking me when i was down.

so anyway, we go to their house on friday stay til sunday and guess what? they didn't serve a SINGLE FUCKING THING on that stupid menu they'd been heckling us about since 4 days after we lost our baby. they didn't cook one fucking thing on there. it was seriously like a slap in the face. just so juvenile.

hubs and i managed to hold it together while we were there, and he even had some good quality time with his brother. but as soon as we got on the expressway to go home i just fell apart. i started sobbing so hard i had to pull over and just let it out. it felt like i had a cork in me all weekend.

anyway, so that was our joyous thanksgiving. is it any wonder we're considering skipping christmas altogether?

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