had a rough weekend. i kept trying to pull it together, but christmas is making me crazy.
we would have had our gender/anatomy scan yesterday. it was a rough day for me. i kept crying. while we were laying in bed i said to hubs, "do you think in some alternate world the other version of ourselves is all happy and arguing about names and wondering how we're going to hold the news in til xmas eve?" we both started crying. things are so different than they should be. this is not how this is suppposed to go. i'm supposed to be buying little pink or blue things and getting all obsessive. i just miss that baby so much. it feels so unfair that she got taken. i'm having a really hard time again after weeks of doing ok and getting all excited about ttc and ovulation and all that. now i'm like, "what's the point?" even if we do conceive again that doesn't mean anything.