"the first time i saw you, i knew it would never last"

when we were driving home from KY after thanksgiving hubs and i kept listening to our elliott smith cd and crying. there was one song called "pitseleh" that really had us breaking down.

i just looked up the lyrics to try and figure out what its about and found out that "pitseleh" is a yiddish word meaning "little one"

most people think the song is about a breakup; about two people who can't make it work and so they sort of give each other up for the greater good. but, i sort of think he's writing about a kid he knew he had and decided would be better off without him as a dad, or maybe his girlfriend got an abortion or aomething. i don't know- maybe i'm projecting, but it seems like he's not talking about romantic love. it seems like he's saying he's sorry he couldn't be more "present" to someone...

anyway, here are the lyrics (i italicized the ones i think point to my theory)

I'll tell you why I don't
Want to know where you are
I got a joke I been dying to tell you
A silent kid is looking down the barrel
To make the noise that I kept so quiet
I kept it from you, Pitseleh

I'm not what's missing from your life now
I could never be the puzzle pieces
They say that God makes problems
Just to see what you can stand
Before you do as the devil pleases
And give up the thing you love

But no one deserves it

The first time I saw you
I knew it would never last
I'm not half what I wish I was
I'm so angry, I don't think it'll ever pass
And I was bad news for you, just because
I never meant to hurt you

and here's the video/song if you want to listen. it's really beautiful