Wednesday, November 17, 2010

ironic, and ok, sort of funny

so hopefully you guys will see the humor in this. maybe in a slightly ironical way?

so back when we first got pregnant and were all excited and kept expecting to lose it, we took a lot of pregnancy tests. maybe one a day for two weeks (i know, embarassing! but we were nervous!) so anyway, one time i was checking out at the pharmacy in target and had the twins i nanny for with me and the check-out girl saw that i had 2 or 3 boxes of tests and said "wow honey, are you in denial?" and although that would have infuriated me any other time, i was so happy i smiled big and said "still having to convince ourselves it's true!" and she laughed and said congrats and that was that.

(flash forward a month) so now, because i really really don't want to go back into my midwife's office, she and i decided on the following plan. i would take over the counter home pregnancy tests to make sure my hcg (pregnancy hormone) is going down. if my test isn't negative after two weeks i will have to go back in because it means i probably didn't expell everything during the miscarriage and am retaining fetal tissue. so here i am taking pregnancy tests every day again (basically first response owns my soul, financially speaking). so today i go back to the target and as i'm checking out with 2 boxes of tests and a big box of condoms the pharmacy checkout girl says, "you again! honey, believe it, you pregnant!" i totally blanked out. i forgot that people usually remember the twins (especially because one of them has down syndrome). i completely didn't answer her, didn't even look up. just pretended she didn't speak and swiped my debit card... grrr, ok, it's sort of funny right? in a horrible ironic way?

PLUS: we got good news from our insurance today. they agreed to still cover the endocrinologist! yay! apparently the RE was able to argue that the loss was a symtpom of infertility and is thus covered by our insurance.

anyway, i'm feeling a bit better. i think it's going to be a good day (whereas yesterday i kept bursting into tears for no real reason other than i was feeling sad and missing being pregnant) DH ordered me a gorgeous dress from nordstrom's and i agreed to go to his parents for thanksgiving... wish us luck. his dad sent out an email a few days ago and addressed himself as "grandad" and it had us bawling for hours, so i hope we can keep it together around his parents (who will be in full "grandparent" mode around our niece and nephew)...

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