Monday, February 14, 2011

goodbye valentine's day

How many holidays can we possible ruin in one year? Lets see... on Halloween we were told we were losing our baby and that pretty much laid ruin to Tday and xmas. Hmmm, what else? I started my period on new years eve, that sucked. Now here we are on Valentine's day. The most romantic day of the year and instead of doing an IUI I'm coming to terms with the fact that I likely can't and won't ovulate and so this cycle is a bust. To say I'm disappointed is an understatement. What now?

I had eggs growing last week. What happened? It is possible I ovulated quickly in the last 7 days and we missed it, but that's no big comfort either considering we weren't doing much BD, because we expected to have an IUI.

At this point there are more questions than answers. And instead of having a romantic evening with my husband, I feel like getting into bed and sleeping for a week.

I went to the mall a few days ago and was browsing in old navy. Of course I wandered over to the baby section and starting torturing myself. I was feeling pretty healthy emotionally that day and so I barely flinched when I saw their new spring onesies with astrological signs on them. Gemini. Our baby. The last ultrasound when I said "it better be a Gemini, if it comes out a Taurus i'll just have to push it back it" and we all laughed. I recognized the feeling of disappointment and let myself be sad for a minute. I was all proud of myself for not breaking down and then I saw the rest of the onesies on display - all cute with colorful astrological signs. And it hit me: we've been trying so long that we've had a due date in every month now, we've covered all the signs. it was like a punch in the gut. 2 years. 24 different due dates. 8 seasons. Too many holidays...

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry :( Holidays are a sad reminder... I always think this will be our last childless holiday, and hopefully it will be. Hope you feel better <3