i am in love...

...with our new RE. she is amazing. I am so so so glad we switched. the very first thing she said to us when she led us into her office was, "I am so sorry for everything you've been through." and just hearing that from a doctor was like lifting a weight. our previous RE was so stuck up it was like we were supposed to feel lucky he would even speak to us. Not the case here. The offices are like night and day. It may sound sexist, but i don't think I'll ever go back to seeing a dude. There was this oppressive male energy at his office and everyone was so brusque and impersonal. not even a hint of some gynic solidarity.

When i was dealing with all the records and HMO stuff i got a chance to talk to the receptionists in the new office and they are just so chatty and friendly. one of them was like, "i went through 7 years of fertility treatments, my file is like a phonebook!"

That's the other thing, most of the women in the new office have actually been through infertility treatments themselves. Even the new RE talked about her miscarriage and how devastating it was for her. There's a real sense of comraderie and understanding. It was so great! I feel so relieved. i've been perpetually on the verge of a nervous breakdown every time i even thought about starting over and how hard it would be to jump through all those hoops again.

She laid out a very clear plan for us and even drew us a map (literally, a roadmap, with pictures) while she explained it. 3 cycles of clomid w/ IUI (required by our HMO) followed by one cycle of injectibles (with timed intercourse) to gauge my reaction to the drugs, then IVF. she included which days i'd have to go in for monitoring and how long that could take and how big they expected my follicles to be. she said clomid should solve my low progesterone problem and if it doesn't we'll do suppositories.

it just feels so amazing to have an actual real plan and steps to take. I feel like our baby is so close! I can't explain it and I know it sounds crazy, but it's almost like everything clicked when i walked into the office- like "ooooh yeah, this is the last stop"

I've had the worst insomnia this week, it's like my brain keeps trying to figure this out and solve it like a puzzle. i know the end is near, i can already see that little pinhole of light at the end of the tunnel, but when? and how?

At least now we're on the train instead of standing on the platform. Wish me luck!