we're leaving this afternoon for KY. I'm so nervous. i keep thinking they're going to that "everyone say what they're thankful for" thing around the table and i know if they do i won't be able to not cry. i know i have so much to be thankful for, but i just can't feel that right now. right now i only feel like everything has been taken away.
i've been feeling weird the last few days. i don't know what's normal and what's not for post miscarriage but i'm starting to feel like something isn't right. i have this heavy feeling really low across my hips and into my pelvis. almost like a nagging pulling sensation. i can't figure out what it is or what to do about it. i know i'm hypersensitive to every twinge ever since we started to lose the baby, actually ever since we started to TTC, so i'm trying to rationalize it away, but something feels weird. i'm so scared something is wrong. the few times we have been intimate we haven't used protection like the midwife advised. i just can't believe that after trying for two years we'd suddenly hit the jackpot not once, but twice. it felt like getting pregnant was akin to getting struck by lightning. what are the chances it'll happen again?
now i'm sort of freaking out. what is this fullness feeling? why does my body feel so weird? is my uterus just shrinking back down and things are starting to settle back in? is it ovulation pain?
man, this is going to be a long weekend...